


Dead but not gone

by slightlycrazyfangirl



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M, idk how to do this, more tags to be added I guess?, please shoot me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-09-27 02:11:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9945671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slightlycrazyfangirl/pseuds/slightlycrazyfangirl
Summary: Idk how to do this so I guess you'll just have to read it





	1. Chapter 1

He lost her. His life, his sunshine, his everything. He sat there, unable to move or to say anything, in front of the part of the accelerator that wasn't destroyed by the explosion. She was in there, with Ronnie. Cisco knew he should've been there when it happened. He could've saved her. Dr. Wells came in, his wheelchair made crunchy noises while he wheeled over the dust and stones that still covered the floor.  
A month had passed, and Cisco could still hear her last words in his head. They have been haunting him ever since that night, that terrifying, life shattering night. 

***

The night of the opening. This would be the greatest step in the history of humanity. The STAR Labs team finally managed to build the accelerator. Barely in time, but that didn't matter right now. Hope Morgan was standing next to the stage Dr. Wells was on, Cisco's arm around her waist. She had never been happier in her whole life. She reached her big goal, found the man of her dreams and had another little secret. Soon her and Cisco's apartment would be filled with tiny screams and laughter. But the lucky father-to-be didn't even know about his luck yet; she wanted to tell him today, to make this day even more special.

While Dr. Wells was holding his speech up on the stage, she grabbed Cisco's arm and pulled him into a less noisy corner.  
"Hey, everything okay? We're going to miss the cere-"  
"Yeah, it's fine. More than that. It's perfect. But I need to tell you so-"  
The sound of the wailing sirens stopped Hope mid-sentence.  
"Can we talk about this later?" He asked, quickly giving her a kiss on the forehead.  
"Sure... Now go!" She gave him a reassuring smile and he ran into the facility, Hope staying right behind him. 

*five minutes later* 

"Hope...", Ronnie yelled, "Get out of here! I can do this!"  
"Not in this time! It would take too long! And now let me do my job!"  
She slammed her hand on the button and the doors closed. Hope knew that she had to stay. Yes, she'd lose the baby in every case. Yes, she'd most likely die in here. But she also knew that nobody had better chances of stopping what was about to happen, since she was the one who designed the control panels on the inside.  
Ever since she started to work as a mechanical engineer for STAR Labs, her life had become better than it ever was. And she loved the life she shared with Cisco now. But she had to choose between her life and those of the citizens of Central City. It was an easy choice.  
She grabbed one of the microphones and cleared her throat. “Cisco?”  
“Hope, there you are! You have to get out of there!”  
“I can’t. The doors are closed. And I have to stay and try to stop it. I love you, Cisco.”

Cisco's, Caitlin's and Dr. Wells's screams and the wailing sound of the alarm system all mixed up to become one big, torturing sound. She knew exactly that if she allowed herself to listen to their voices over the speakers, the tears would start to take over her sight and stop her from doing her job.  
Suddenly Ronnie stood next to her, and tried helping as best as he could. Hope knew how terrible he felt, knowing that he'd probably never see his fiancé again. 

The two of them were nearly finished when suddenly, everything exploded. Her last thought were 'I'm so sorry, Cisco’ before the black depths of death swallowed her.

***

The first thing Hope felt when she woke up was the total absence of any kind of pain. It took her a few seconds to get her thoughts in order, but then, she suddenly jumped up. She had to see if Cisco was alright. Ignoring the chaos of the firefighters, wailing sirens, and the bleeding and coughing people everywhere, she jumped through the stones and avoided the sharp edges that were sticking out of them. 

As soon as she reached the doors of the facility, she stopped. Most of the doors were destroyed, but one stayed intact. However, that was not what shocked her, it was the fact that there was no reflection of her. She saw the big red trucks behind her in the mirror of the door, but no sign of her own body. A quick thought about vampires popped up in her head, but she quickly pushed it away. The lack of pain still confused her, but the most important thing right now was to see if Cisco was okay. With a few jumps she avoided the shattered glass of the doors lying around everywhere, and made her way to the cortex.  
Everything she found was chaos. Running people, firefighters, it felt like half of Central City was in there. But once again she ignored all of them and realized that her boyfriend was nowhere to be found. Deciding to make a little sprint, she ran down to the entry of the accelerator. Even more chaos awaited her there. Big rocks, parts of the building, metal poking around everywhere. And in the center of all of that, she saw her engineer sitting. Relieved, Hope jumped around the shattered pieces of her dream on the way to Cisco. The young man had the knees up to his chin and the head buried in them, arms wrapped around his legs. 

"Cisco! There you are! Are you okay?" she asked, relieved since he was apparently not hurt. but he didn't react. Not a single muscle moved.

"Cisco!" she said again, a little louder this time. Maybe he didn't hear her over the noise that was still filling up the building, or maybe his ears were damaged when the accelerator blew up. But still nothing. 

 

"Cisco, goddammit!" she yelled. 

 

No movement, nothing at all. Hope tried to poke him in the side, but her hand just went through him like air. The young woman froze. What? What happened? Could she really be dead? Just like that? That would also explain why there was no image of her in the door and no pain. After all, she was in the center of the explosion and every single bone in her body should've been crushed to dust. 

"Mr. Ramon?" One of the guys from the rescue team came up to him. Cisco lifted his head and Hope was shocked. Swollen eyes, alarming red, and the tears were still running from his eyes.  
What shocked her most was the sadness in them. She had never seen him like this. 

"Did you find anything?" Cisco asked. His voice was nearly as sad as his eyes, barely audible and broken. It crushed her heart to tiny pieces to see him in this state.  
"No, we didn't. I'm sorry. She was in the center of the explosion. It would've been a wonder if we found any remains."

 

Whatever spark of hope still remained in his eyes, it died in this moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for tears :')


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: self harm, suicide.  
> Please read carefully.

One month. Cisco sat in the cortex, knees up to his chest, back to the cold metal of one of the tables. Her last words whispered through his head, over and over again. 

 

Two months. He looked down at the blade in his hands. Cisco knew that the cuts on his wrist should burn, they should make him scream, but he didn't feel anything. Just numb. Like somebody wrapped his head in a giant blanket. He pushed the cold piece of metal against his skin again. It cut through the skin like butter, but this time deeper than ever before. Suddenly, the blanket was ripped away from him, and he let out a gasp. Tears were streaming down his face as the new wound broke down his inner wall and the pain from all the other cuts rushed over him like a wave. 

 

Three months. Darkness. That was all he saw. A blue light. Another message from Caitlin. Ignoring it, he decided to let go of the blade. The sound of metal on stone. As he took the phone, the blood ran down his arms. It dripped on the floor, he'd take care of that later.  
Cisco opened the messages his best friend sent him. 

Where are you? 8:35 pm

Cisco, please. Tell me where you are 8:42 pm

I checked your apartment. Are you at Jitters? 9:12 pm

Cisco. Please. Pick up. I'm worried. 9:13 pm 

WHERE ARE YOU CISCO PLEASE TELL ME AND PICK UP THE DAMN PHONE 9:25 pm

It was now 9:30. He knew that Caitlin would be on her way to the lab now. He decided to clean up the bloody mess on the floor and wrapped his wrist in a towel. There were no bandages close and time was running out, and the towel would do the job. 

As he heard the clack-clack-clack of Caitlin’s heels on the concrete in the hallway, Cisco covered his arms with the sleeves of his STAR Labs sweatshirt. It was a bit too big so Cait wouldn't notice the thick, now blood soaked towel wrapped around his arm and wrist. 

“Cisco! There you are! Why didn't you pick up your phone? I was worried sick!”  
Caitlin rushed into the workshop and threw a half worried, half pissed look at him.  
He hid his arm behind his back and looked at the floor, guilt in his eyes.  
“I - I'm sorry. I didn't see you called…” He mumbled.  
The young red haired woman looked at him, the anger in her eyes disappeared and made room for concern. “Are you okay?” She asked and took a step forward. Cisco took a step back and bumped against the cool metal of one of the tables, eyes still glued to the floor. 

Irritated, Caitlin froze. Her friend had never tried to avoid contact. Now she saw that he tried to hide his arm.  
“Cisco…” She asked carefully, “are you okay?” Again, she tried taking a step forward. This time Cisco stood still, eyes filled with guilt as he looked her in the eyes for the first time.  
As she came closer like a veterinarian would approach a wild wounded animal, his head dropped but he didn't say a word. In the moment she tried to reach for his arm, he stiffened again but finally relaxed and let her examine his arm. 

“Cisco…” She said with tears in her eyes. “Why did you do that?”  
Caitlin looked up at her best friend and saw the tears dripping down his face and soaking the top of his sweatshirt.  
“I'm sorry…” He mumbled under his breath. 

She pulled him into a hug. He stiffened at first but then relaxed. He hesitated to wrap his arms around her, not wanting to ruin her dress with the still dripping blood.  
Cait finally decided to let go of her best friend. “We need to take care of that…” She carefully held his hand and looked at the cuts. She also saw the scars that were already there, the newer ones way thicker than the older, thin lines. Some of them didn't have time to heal properly.

Four months. Cisco sat in front of the door of the now rebuild particle accelerator. His eyes were red from crying, but at some point, the tears just stopped. He didn't have the energy to cry anymore. So he just sat there, the scalpel he stole from the lab in his hands. Taking a deep breath, he pressed it against his wrist. The feeling of the cold metal had been a nearly daily visitor in the last months. It was his only way not to go mad with all the emotional pain build up inside him. So he took another deep breath and applied some more pressure. The blade cut through the skin with no effort. Slowly, like he was performing a very difficult operation, he drew a line on the inside of his arm with it, reaching from his wrist up to his elbow. It was deep, so the blood started flowing out in no time. In seconds, his jeans and lower half of his sweatshirt were soaked in the warm, red liquid. After about a minute, his vision started to fade. The last thing he heard was the distant sound of wailing sirens.


End file.
